WHY ARE YOU SUCH A CRAPPY WRITER?
This is by far the most frequent of my FAQ’s. I believe if you wish to achieve something, you must really work hard at it. My objective is to lower my writing standards to just outside Hell’s city limits, where I’m almost certain to fall into the wrong crowd and get involved in a drunken saloon brawl protecting the wanton woman that I fell for, but who, unfortunately, has promised herself to another, which is essentially the entire town among others way out yonder …
DO YOU HAVE ANY ADVICE TO A YOUNG WRITER JUST STARTING OUT?
Quit.
WHY DO YOU HAVE SUCH FEW QUESTIONS IN YOUR FAQ SECTION? WHAT ARE YOU? AN IDIOT?
Yes.
AFTER PURCHASING YOUR BOOKS, MAY I SEND YOU TONS OF CASH? AND WOLD YOU PREFER US DOLLARS OR SOME OTHER FORM OF CURRENCY?
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
(FAQ’s don’t get any better than this)
IF A HAMPSTER DEPARTS HONALULU ON A TRAIN HEADING FOR KENOSHA, WI TRAVELING AT 83.7 MPH, WHILE A PENGUIN DEPARTS THE PLANET NEPTUNE FOR MY KITCHEN GOING REALLY FAST, WHICH OF THE TWO WOULD MAKE THE BETTER PET?
Of the two, I have to go with the penguin. He probably could go to the store for me, and pick out the best fish.
IS WHAT WE SEE ON THIS FAQ PAGE AND THE REST OF THIS HORRIBLY INEPT WEBSITE THE KIND OF JUNK WE WILL NOT LOOK FORWARD TO READING IN YOUR STUPID NEWSLETTER?
Let me tell you the newsletter is WAY worse than this page.
DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE WRITER YOU'VE ALWAYS ADMIRED?
I just don’t like the cut of your jib. I don’t care how much of an FAQ this is.
DO YOU EVER SUFFER FROM WRITERS BLOCK, YOU KNOW, I MEAN, THERE YOU SIT, STARING AT A PERPETUALLY BLANK PAGE AND YOU'RE TOTALLY CLUELESS OF WHAT TO WRITE?
Yes.
WHAT ARE YOUR TWENTY-FIVE FAVORITE COLORS AND CAN YOU LIST THEM IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER?
I get so many FAQ’s pertaining to color choices, Anyway, it’s yellow, but I can’t think of any others because I’m unfamiliar with this alphabet thing you refer to.
HERE'S AN FAQ FOR YOU. HAVE YOU ACTUALLY EVER SOLD A BOOK, YOU SECOND-RATE HACK?
I think we both know the answer to that one.
DO YOU HAVE A GOOD MUFFIN RECIPE?
One of the most frequent of my FAQ’s, the answer of course is I enjoy walking on the beach and gazing at the twinkling stars with that certain special someone.
